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"how are you?" she asks in that breezy happy voice .  So very used to the answer expecting the same one every time.
"oh me  I am ok" the lie gets stuck to my teeth as it passes through my lips.  I cough to hide the real answer , the one that I can never give but wish that I could just say how I really feel.  Yet feelings are so very complicated I know there is no happiness without pain and you have to work through the feelings.
"No really" the words continue to tumble out as I smile secretly digging my long fingernails deep into my hand to stop the tears.  They come so easily now unprovoked uninterrupted flowing like a waterfall.
  • Listening to: sound of silence
  • Reading: the twelve
  • Watching: no tv
  • Playing: nothing too busy working
  • Eating: ate tons of fruit chiken and potatoes
  • Drinking: water
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:iconpleaseimjustagirl:
PleaseImJustaGirl Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2016
 I hate to stand By Helplessly and Watch a Ballerina Drenched in Sorrow in Real Life. Isn't the Dying Swan enough? I am here always For You Happy New Year.
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
thank you sweetheart that means so much to meHug Huggle! Heart 
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:iconpleaseimjustagirl:
PleaseImJustaGirl Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2016
   :kiss:
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
Hug 
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:iconangelis1911:
Angelis1911 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm so sorry you're downhearted right now sis.I know that feeling all too well.You already know that I'm here when needed and that your big brother cares so very much.Just know that the one who made you feel this way,you know of whom I speak,isn't truly worth all the tears.It's his loss sis.He gave up on having something real when he shouldn't have.So when it becomes time to,kick him to the curb and move on.He isn't the only guy in the world.There is someone out there waiting to be discovered.When it's time,he will appear.In the meantime,fill your days with all the things that make you the wonderful,special,kind,loving,and caring sister that I know you to be.You're going to be fine dear one.Trust in yourself and believe in yourself sweetie.I know you can do it sis,I believe in you.As long as someone believes in you,you can overcome anything. :nod: You are loved and adored my sister dear.Never forget that okay?If a guy can't see how special and wonderful you are,then it's his loss only.At least you found out on the first date and not on the 3rd or more date.Especially if real feelings were set in stone already.I would be more angry than sad if it were me and it has been me.Once upon a time when I was much younger.But for me,love was already in my heart and plans for the future set.But all I was given was heartache in return.It hurt more than any emotional pain I could ever have hoped to feel at that time.But you know what?I picked up myself,dusted myself off,and looked for the future.Though it took a long while,I was patient.And now,I have my someone special.So if it had worked out back then,I never would have found the one I will soon marry.It was a plan I knew nothing of till it was time to be revealed.So don't worry sis,you'll be okay sooner than you think. ;P So do what you can to keep your chin up,keep hope alive,and above all else,pray often.Faith can move mountains. :nod: Love you sis so stay strong for me and for yourself.

:iconsweethugplz:    :huggle:    :heart:    :pray: :pray: :pray:  
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
greetings,
I know I have totally forgotten about him its just a culmination of things like having to drop those classes having my learning disability win I can usually stop it or find workarounds but this time just couldn't do it..............anyway thank you for all of your love and support I will be ok I must go on even in this crazy fucked up world to do the best I can and help everyone and thing that I can fix...........Huggle! Heart 
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:iconangelis1911:
Angelis1911 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're more than welcome sis.Your big brother will do all my best to support you,care,love,and be there for you dear one.You mean a great deal to me sis,you always have and you always will. :nod:  I'm sorry you had to drop some classes but perhaps it's for the best for now.Perhaps you can go back and take them when you're ready to someday. :)

Yeah it's a messed up world sis.We're all just a squirrel trying to get a nut. LOL  All we can do is do our best,pray,and wait for heaven to come.That's something I definitely look forward to.Especially getting to see my parents again.So I'll just do my best till then. :pray:

Have a good Friday and may the weekend be wonderful for you sis.Lots of rest and relaxing hopefully.Ttys sis,love ya.  Smileys Kisses by LOVEMAYU       :huggle:
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
greetings,
yelpers its good thing that I didn't really need to take themNod La la la la perhaps some day not anytime soon though.
I need that nut in this crazy world I need more than just one :happybounce: at any rate hope all is well with you miss ya and love ya Hug Huggle! Heart 
jess
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:iconangelis1911:
Angelis1911 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well regardless of any classes you didn't get to take or have taken already or currently taking,I'm still quite proud of you and the grades you've been getting.You've worked real hard,studied hard,and you've come a long way since you began.You're definitely heading the right way with your schooling. :nod: Makes me a VERY proud big brother. :huggle:

LOL Me too honey,me too. :) I could use tons of them myself.Hopefully one day we'll both find the right one that sets us free.

I'm doing decent.My sinus's are messing with me hard though.Cotton mouth most of the time with that yucky taste in my mouth all the time.Plus my doctor seems to think I have some sort of prostate infection also.He saw to it that I got some antibiotics and I have to go back on December 28th to give them a urine sample to see if I still have blood in my urine.If I do,I'll go back for an office visit.If I still have blood in my urine,I'll go see a urologist to get further testing as well as get checked out.But otherwise I'm doing okay I suppose.

:aww: I Love you too sister dear and I hope you're resting well this weekend.Taking it easy and eating good.If there is no gas in the tank,the car won't go anywhere.So did your muscles down there get healed up more or gotten worse or?I so hope it's all over with now and they've healed up to the point you can exercise and stretch again.But I'd still be cautious for a while longer though.

Have a good weekend sweetie,rest well,behave yourself,and we'll talk more soon okay?Love you sis,ttys.

Hug by KmyGraphic       :iconsweethugplz: :iconaawplz: :iconsomehugsplz:     Loving Bear by KmyGraphic     Smac by Florhalie      Smileys Kisses by LOVEMAYU
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
greetings,
well thank you that means an awful lot to me I do try so very hardNod La la la la 
none of that sounds good or ok No, I disagree! I do hope that you are ok and please keep me up to date on what the doctor says to you I worry you know :( (Sad) thank fully the muscle's healed so its ok BH for now I need to get back to ballet desperately but money is so damn short its disturbing beyond belief how's your doggy? sending love and hugs Hug Huggle! 
jess
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:iconangelis1911:
Angelis1911 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I know you do and that's why I am so very proud of my little sister. :nod: I have been and always will be proud of you with your grades and in all your accomplishments. :huggle:

I will dear one.Right now I'm on the meds and go back in to give a urine sample next month.If I still have blood in my urine,I go in for an office visit/checkup.If that provides no info or whatever as to the cause,I will go to a urologist to be checked out.But as you do for me sis,I will definitely keep you updated.No worries there sweetie.

Well I'm definitely glad your groin muscles are healed.But still be cautious a few weeks more though okay?When muscles get harmed,it takes a long time to build them up strong again.Just because you feel nothing wrong,doesn't mean that they aren't prone to getting harmed again.If that happens,you'll be back to sitting only on soft cushions and not being very active till they heal once more.So please be careful my dear sis alright?

I'm so sorry that money is keeping you from ballet.I know how it feels not to have enough money for something.If I could,I'd send you some so you could take ballet again.Sadly with all my bills I recently paid,the bills coming up,and I just paid $401.09 for fuel oil so I can have heat,money for me is a little tight right now.But know that I love you and care very much for you and hopefully you'll find the means soon to continue your ballet classes.I wish you had a place at home to practice like they have in a ballet school.With the mirrored walls and rails and such.But don't lose hope sis,it'll happen. :)

Which doggy?You do know I got three plus two kitties.They're all fine right now.Warmer now that I got the fuel oil to heat the house like normal.I was using small electric heaters plus my oven before getting the oil.Feels so much better to me now.But they're all fine sis,no worries with all of them at the moment. :)

:aww: I send you lots of love and good hugs too sis.Have a good day and end of the week okay?Love you lots sister dear,ttys.

:iconsweethugplz: :iconhug1plz: :iconaawplz: :iconplzhug:   :iconsomehugsplz:    Hug        Kirito x Asuna (The End Hug) [V1]       Smurf-hug       Hug fella (love)      Judy and Nick - Icon       Smac by Florhalie            Loving Bear by KmyGraphic
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
greetings,
how was your thanksgiving? I ate a ton of food I answered this kinda late so I apologize for not getting back to you Fox emoji - hearts  sooner .sometimes I do that because I love having people to talk to so I sometimes leave messages a little longer before answering them or even kind comments ..............so yha I knew you had a ton of animals I don't know how you do it taking care of one is so hard I love her so danm much she has my heart.............
heat is a good thing its been cold lately my dad just turned our heat on a few days ago Nod 
sending love and hugs Huggle! Heart Hug Huggle! Heart 
jess
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(1 Reply)
:iconmotherearth01:
motherearth01 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
This is terribly sad, I hope everything is o.k. It's better to say how you really feel because it could be, that this person can help.
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
yha its ok I guess I am just really down right now I really appreciate your kindness truly means the world to meHug Huggle! Heart 
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:iconmotherearth01:
motherearth01 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
If you need an ear to bend, I can listen and try and help. Sometimes it's best to tell someone how you really feel, otherwise they will never know. And it may be an opportunity lost. I hope it all works out, Sweetie!
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
you are too sweet its a bunch of stuff really if you don't mind ill share with you ................Hug 
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:iconmotherearth01:
motherearth01 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Whenever, you are ready send me a note! :hug:
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
I will for sure thank you sweetheartHuggle! Hug Heart 
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:iconmotherearth01:
motherearth01 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
You're very welcome! :hug:
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:icontheheek:
theheek Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2016  Professional Traditional Artist
Huggle! 
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